“It happened at that time that Judah went down from his brothers and turned aside to a certain Adullamite, whose name was Hirah. There Judah saw the daughter of a certain Canaanite whose name was Shua. He took her and went in to her, and she conceived and bore a son, and he called his name Er. She conceived again and bore a son, and she called his name Onan. Yet again she bore a son, and she called his name Shelah. Judah was in Chezib when she bore him.” Genesis 38:1–5 ESV
We can be professing Christians and still be “unequally yoked” by default. We can be, as Judah was, a man headed to heaven and yet live like hell.
Judah had left his family behind, but he hadn’t outpaced his lies and sin. This is the way in God’s world. We can say whatever we want, and go where our wallet and fancy will take us, but we can never escape our guilt and the smoke of sin’s fires unless we turn to Him.
Judah had indulged in the jealousy, slander, and hatred of Joseph and this led to Joseph’s kidnapping and descent into slavery. When we think of what’s to come in the Exodus, of Moses and the greatness of the miracles, and God’s deliverance of His people, we’re humbled to think that all of that starts here. We meditate upon the great truth that God’s love for us crosses the ages as easily as a man steps one foot in front of the other. His deliverance spans the centuries and so our hope never should wane.
But Judah was living an unrepentant life. He hadn’t gone to a new place and worshipped the Lord. He made that ancient mistake: he tried to forget sin rather than repent of it. We try, like Judah, to leave ours in the past rather than at the cross when we live likewise in spiritual lethargy. How many fathers are like this? How many go to work, stay busy, do some projects, play with the kids and all that, but forget the greatest duty of all for every father, which is to repent of their sin and thus live in grace?
Judah and his brothers envied Joseph. They had low character and the mark of such lowness is always displayed, not by a mark on one’s forehead, or some kind of uniform, but in hatred. Today’s world speaks of hate but what we really mean (the Left, that is) when we say that is that someone disagrees with us. That’s not hate. Joseph’s brothers hated him. First with their words they grumbled against him and mocked him. Then, when opportunity presented itself, they attacked him. The mark of hatred is the heart that spews forth accusations against another outside of biblical principles. Watch for it. The church is awash in confusion nowadays. It sees the rampant sexual sin of the culture – a culture ashamed of nothing but offended by everything – and it considers itself safe from moral regression.
This is what happens when we compare ourselves to others rather than God! A critical tongue is the consequence of a hate-filled heart that’s dry and arid toward God. Bitterness cannot rear up a family, for it’s the fruit of shame and fear. Unless shame (from sin) and fear (of judgment) are dealt with at the cross, given to God in that great exchange of faith – our sin for His mercy and righteousness – bitterness is the inevitable result. Unless our sins are repented of and God’s wrath is appeased in Christ, we will internalize our fear and then, without fail, exhibit wrath towards someone.
The sign of God’s grace in one’s life is joy and peace – not peace as in the absence of conflict, but peace in God through faith that yields forgiveness and mercy toward others. The sign of sin in our lives is our wrath toward someone. A man and a father can grow angry but that anger, tempered by grace, produces a rebuke and a call to repentance. Man’s anger is unrighteous because it’s always without the gospel; man’s anger is self-centered and there’s no redemption at the end of it. And unless a man is forgiven in Christ it’s impossible to model to his children a life of grace. Instead, he’ll model anger and/or fear.
“Let us walk properly as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and sensuality, not in quarreling and jealousy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.” Romans 13:13–14 ESV
Scripture hits us with a hammer blow. Does it say that quarreling and jealousy are as bad as sexual immorality and sensuality? Indeed it does! Would a man prefer that his wife cheat on him once or slander him to her friends? Which is more painful? Anyone who knows of a divorce, or has seen a friendship or partnership go awry, knows the daggers that fly from bitter tongues. Sexual immorality is a sin, yes. It’s a sin of selfish indulgence that would use others for instant gratification. But quarreling and jealousy are sins of true hatred that would, if provided the opportunity, end in assault, kidnapping, slavery, and murder. Hatred isn’t disagreeing with someone; it’s the desire to deface them.
A thief steals something because they want its value without having to pay for it. A vandal defaces something so that no one may enjoy it – it’s a theft of value. Slander is to the target’s character as vandalism is to one’s property. It’s the “cheap” way to mangle, deform, and sully the reputation of another. As sexual sin debases us and brings us low, like animals without self-control, quarreling and envy is the act of trying to bring others low. Both are destructive and that’s why the Lord includes them in the short list of fleshly desires.
In hating his brother, Joseph, Judah had first allowed all that hatred to spin its deceitful webs all through his heart. He and his co-conspirators mocked him (Genesis 37:19) and that mockery was evidence of their hatred. Are you talking about others behind their back? Are you hearing charges about them outside of biblical grounds (Matthew 18:15-20)? Are you entertaining accusations about someone – anyone – without critique or attempt to corroborate the story (Proverbs 18:17)? What does that do to you? More still…what does it do to your family? Would you be a man that could fight off an army to defend your family and yet send them to hell yourself?
That Judah went and married – and started a family – with a Canaanite woman, Shua, is notable in that he sought a woman outside of his faith. Perhaps she was more righteous than he was, but that’s doubtful considering how shot-through with violence and greed that land was. But this unequal yoking produced sons, not of God, but of Satan. Why? Because unrepentant sin leads inexorably to a lifestyle of sin. Judah’s spiritual heritage was obscured by that unrepentant sin and a new family, a new job, and a new town would do nothing to redeem him.
And unrepentant sin in our lives will never just go away by itself either. It will bubble up, the smoke of it will sting the eyes of our children, and cloud the manner in which they see God’s world. Will they see Christ in all His glory…ready to be their Savior and Lord…or will they see only the smoke of self-righteousness and perpetual strife?
Only sweet repentance brings us to God, and only God brings us peace. Oh, how much pain awaits Judah in that his sons grow in a spiritually dead soil of a father’s heart that refuses to seek God’s mercy for his sin. He’s unequally yoked not only because of Shua but also because of his own stubbornness! How many Christian marriages become unequally yoked by default because the man’s heart is full of pride, envy, and hatred?
Judah and his brothers hated Joseph not because of any sin he committed, but because of their sin. Their laziness, greed, and lack of right standing with God is exactly what led to envy. And envy led to hatred. And hatred led to violence. The danger of grumbling and complaining is that it exposes a heart that’s not full and content with God’s blessings. We must all beware and watch our tongues…do we speak blessings or cursing? Do we praise or critique? Where is Christ in our speech? Are we sullen men in our homes, quiet and full of tension? Unless we go to Christ where there’s love and restoration, our children will tiptoe around the edges of our bitter hearts that grow harder and harder, year over year.
Many Christian households are “led” by men who never pray with their wives and children. Many children have never heard their father pray for their enemies and speak of them with grace and a broken heart! Many wives hear their husband fulminate over politics but not the sin in their own heart and, then…yes, and then sing praises of joy over the magnificent grace of God in Christ Jesus.
Indeed, we can be unequally yoked by default. There are practical atheists in many a Christian pew and home. And so many wives and children suffer greatly because men are more committed to the world and their jobs than they are to God. Judah raised boys that God literally executed. Judah! Think about this carefully, soberly, and let it bring you to Him. Don’t entertain the sins of envy, nor the sins of sensuality either. Watch your words because they’re the seeds of your family’s faith. And pray that your speech will be salt and light for all who hear. The harvest that Judah reaped was one of agony and shame. But peace and righteousness are for those who find Christ in every event. Don’t entertain quarreling, gossip, and slander – neither against the neighbor next door, or the politician in another city. Let’s live as Christians and seek Christ in all that we do. If we must criticize – and often we must – let’s resolve to put the cross squarely in the center of that critique lest we be captured by the flesh in our critique.
The true father’s heart is to show his children (and wife!) Christ more than anything else in the world.
The heart that’s always rejoicing in the undeserved grace it receives from God in Christ, through faith alone, finds envy and gossip bitter to the taste and then spits it out. Thus it is that one has a lifestyle of worship and a speech that’s gospel rich. The Christian father is throwing gospel mustard seeds every which way not because he’s perfect but because his Savior is.
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